Hot tears roll uncontrollably down my warm cheeks.  Sunglasses hide my puffy red eyes, but it’s undeniable.  Eric looks at me across the table and I know he’s not sure what to say.  I pull my tan Scottish pashmina tighter around my shoulders and bring my knees in closer to my chest.  I look over La Boqueria Mercado from our balcony in the Barcelona hotel.  It’s a beautiful hotel balcony in a beautiful hotel room in a beautiful city in a beautiful country.  And though we started our journey in London (or some might say the JFK airport in New York City), I will always consider Spain our first big adventure.  We did this country together, navigated a life here and made it work.  Now it’s almost over.  One more stop in Madrid to end it just how we began it all and then we end this journey.  Madrid will be so much fun.  One last time going to our bar and one more walk down the streets we had made our own.  A stroll past our apartment and a trip to our favorite Mercado.  Yes, I was still excited for that one last part of our excursion, but for now, sitting in this amazing place with a perfect blue sky overhead and the noise of the market below, there was only one truth.  We were almost done.  

There had been so many cities in so many countries on three different continents.  We had seen so much, experienced so much.  We had tasted foods in their native countries.  We had nights where we partied until the next morning.  We had quiet nights walking through the parks of Poland and Spain, France and England.  We had tasted chocolate where it had originated.  We had celebrated Thanksgiving where they don’t, Chanuka where they (mostly) don’t, and Christmas where they definitely did.  We had gone to the biggest New Year’s celebration Madrid had ever seen.  We had found people who loved Americans, people who hated Americans.  We had stayed safe; we had felt as though we were in danger.  We had navigated these places on our own.  We had found our own hotels and transportation.  We had… so many things and now we were coming to an end we had prolonged as long as we could.  We knew it was coming, but in this moment, there was only one truth.  We were almost done.

Salty tears of sadness at the inevitable outcome, tears of unspeakable joy.  We had done it!  We had really done this adventure!  We had seen so much, experienced so much and we had done it our way.  It was Eric and me.  Alone in the world and we had made it through.  Sometimes there are no words.  Sometimes I just can’t get them out.

“It’s ok,” was what he said.

“I know.  I love you.”  I said.  I couldn’t say all the things I was thinking.  We had really made it.  The two of us in this great big world.  I smiled at Eric, even as the tears continued to fall.  I looked up at the big open sky.  “I know,” I said again.

Until tomorrow and the new adventure…

Rachel